Sep 16 - always self doubt

Sandy spent a fair amount of time on the phone with Debbie Johnston yesterday, talking about what happened with Abby.  Debbie was our next door neighbour in Radnor, knew Abby from a puppy and then moved away to set up a dog sitting service.  Abby often used to stay with her, most recently a few months ago.  Debbie always has a bunch of Goldens around, both hers (some rescue dogs) and day or multi-day visitors.  She knows the breed well, has been through everything.  I commented to Sandy that Debbie must have some special arrangement with a vet because she usually takes in older rescue dogs and must have one ton of vet bills !

Anyway, Debbie has seen it all.  There was no question in her mind that we made the right decision.  For my part, that's reassuring as well except that I wasn't quite as stressed by the decision, knowing that we really didn't have any choice at the time but still wondering if there were any other options.  As I understand it, based on Sandy's discussion with Debbie, there were no other options.  She knew someone who'd been through 8k of diagnostic medicine in a similar situation; don't know if there was any conclusion but diagnosis is usually not the end of the story.  Even if Abby's seizures had turned out to be manageable with medicine, which the vet doubted, she would have had to be put through many, many episodes, perhaps never really "fixing" anything, and I know that she was in a huge amount of pain.  Doing that wouldn't be for her benefit.

In retrospect, many of her issues over the past few months were probably related.  The sudden onset of walking problems, weakness in her back end, rubbing her head on the ground -- likely her head hurt at times -- oh don't we wish that dogs could tell us what was going on.  Well, maybe not !

Memories of Vickie are dimming over time.  Although she was with us for 17 years and was an amazing dog, she was more typical fetching, playing, calm.  Most of her life was in Mississauga with some visits to the cottage.  She moved to Radnor with us, ending her days there.  Now that I think about it, she lived about half of her life in Mississauga and half in Radnor.

Abby started life with us in Radnor but when she was a year old, we started building the cottage and didn't see a lot more of Radnor.  Abby had much more personality, so excited when people arrived, excited to go out on the boat, land at the island in Florida, chase minnows, totally submissive with big dogs yet remembering her "childhood" companions -- Doris & Wayne's Nico, Stef's Mya, etc.  From the "beastly" puppy to the character that she turned out to be, Abby will live on in our memories.  Right now those memories are too painful; the loss too fresh.

We are going to investigate options -- Abby's not replaceable, but I knew from the outset that I wanted another companion.  I know that he/she (rather she) won't be Abby.  Sandy wasn't so sure, needed some time, but we're talking about it.  Whether that's a puppy remains to be seen.   

What did I do yesterday ... I went into Sudbury and got my haircut (yay) and hit the bank for money, the Independent Store and Costco for groceries.  I buy weird stuff like different cheeses, guacamole, hummus -- not a list that I can send Sandy to the store with.  I need to browse and make a decision.  Sandy may go to Parry Sound today and do veggie shopping.

So there you have it.  The weather is beautiful.  I will probably go for another bike ride today, take advantage of the weather while it lasts.  We are supposed to get showers Friday and Saturday, so I should get out today.  The weather forecast for Sunday through Tuesday is supposed to be beautiful again.  All this great weather will break at some point but it's good while it lasts. 

Onward ...